#reverb12 :: 25–31

Day 25: How will you be vulnerable?
I want to lighten up, to be able to laugh at myself and to not take life quite a seriously. I want to stop using my anxiety as a way of avoiding the world, to not care what people think and to be myself. Easy enough to say but slightly harder in practise.

Day 26: How will you make time?
There is always time, but it is filled with unimportant thought and activities. I want to stop spending so much time zoned out in front of a screen and more time doing things that are important to me.

Day 27: How will you honour your creativity?
Instead of looking and admiring other people's creativity, I want to spend more time working on my own. That means stepping away from the computer and picking up a brush of a pencil, holding a camera or a needle. Do instead of see.

Day 28: How will you overcome *those* fears?
I've come to understand that there is no such thing as overcoming your fears. You just have to be strong enough to do it anyway. Its practising what scares you that makes you see there was nothing to be afraid of in the first place. So I am going to start practising again.

Day 29: Have you heard your word?
My word this year was choose. And that was exactly what I didn't do. Maybe it wasn't the right word or maybe I just didn't put the effort in but it just didn't work for me. My word for next year hasn't come to me yet. I have a few ideas swirling around in my head but the right word hasn't come forward and I'm not going to push it.

Day 30: What can you celebrate now?
I have so much to celebrate and I try and do so every day. It is easy to get caught up the everyday struggles and to feel overwhelmed and tired and negative. But when I really take stock of my life, it is pretty damn good. And I am grateful everyday for a loving family, a great friend and partner, my beautiful and infuriating furry loves, and safe and secure job, a place to call my own and the comfort of friendships that enrich my life.

Day 31: Where are you now?
Right now I feel more rested and relaxed. But as always I am anxious to start the new year and with it, have all the promise of new beginnings. 

2013 is going to be MY YEAR because... I choose how I want my life to be and I create the life I want.
In 2013, I am going to do... more to keep myself balanced. Physically, mentally, spiritually and financially.
In 2013, I am going to feel... calmer and happier. I am going to hold on to joy and love and moments of peace.
In 2013, I am not going to... stop taking care of myself. I am going to fill my cup until it overflows.
In December 2013, I am going to look back and say... this was the best year yet.


Did you play along with #reverb12? Its not too late.

#reverb12 :: 17–24

Day 17: How did you make a difference?

This year was difficult for many people in my life and I hope I made a difference to them by giving what I had at the time, a small amount of time, a bit of advice and a whole lot of love and understanding and someone to listen. I know that when I was given these gifts in return, they made a big difference.

Day 18: The colour of you?
This year appears to have been my year of grey. I painted my kitchen grey, I planted my garden in grey and white, and someone even pointed out that lately I've even started wearing more grey without my usual pops of colour. I've been in this grey space before and I fought my way back into a colourful life. Which is exactly what I intend to do again.

Day 19: How did you nourish your self?
I didn't. This year I "got through". Always with the promise of feeling better soon. But not really doing anything to nourish myself in the moment. It was a feast or famine year, either too much of something or not enough.

Day 20: What was lost and what was found?
I lost the balance in my life, not enough feeling led to an over-indulgence in everything else. Not enough peace meant too much TV mind-numbing. Not enough joy lead to eating too much. Not enough exercise because of too much sadness. I'm yet to find the balance again but I'm going to work on it.

Day 21: What's on the dream list?
For a long while I had dreamed of my own house, what I would do, how I would feel. And this year I checked that off the list. The dream comes with a lot of hard work and a lot of extra expenses but I love knowing I have a place in the world that is mine. My dream for next year is to travel a bit more, see a bit more and explore my world!

Day 22: Your most important gift?
It continues to be my most important gift, the gift of friendship. No matter where I go, I always find a special group of people who take me for what I am, laugh with me, support me, help me. Beautiful kind souls who I couldn't be without. These friendships always grow and change but are always there when I need them most.

Day 23: What will you let go of?
I want to let go of the excuses. I'm too tired, too busy, too unfit, too scared, too, too, too. I want to see these excuses for what they are, lies that keep my life small, and let them go.

Day 24: The most important habit you will cultivate?
I want to create a habit of movement. I need to get stronger and fitter and healthier and to do that I need to move. Sitting behind a desk all day has made the habit of sitting a hard one to break but I want to move and keep moving, free up my muscles and breathe deeply.

Are you playing along with #reverb12?

#reverb12 :: 10–16

Day 10: Your greatest risk?
This year I risked going back to school part time to study photography. It felt risky because it had been so long since I had been in any sort of learning environment but also because taking photos is something I LOVE and I was scared of being told I wasn't good enough. The year was challenging but didn't fulfil me creatively so my next risky move was to be okay with stopping my study before I finished. It felt good, I didn't give up because it was hard, I stopped because it wasn't right for me.

Day 11: What was music to your ears?
Sadly it's been a year without a lot of music, but I have had this song on repeat whenever I need a lift.

Day 12: Your most intense emotions?
I was surprised to find myself struggling through another strong bout of depression this year. After a few terrible events I felt myself sinking faster and faster. But my strongest emotion this year has not been sadness or despair, but hope and the belief in my own strength. I know to the very centre of my being that I can make it through anything.

Day 13: Your favourite photo of you?
I spent October getting back into the habit of taking self-portraits, and although I don't love all of them, I love how much easier it gets and how much kinder I learn to be to myself while taking them.

Day 14: The path that brought you here?
I don't know what path bought me here, and I don't know where it is taking me either. I can only trust in whatever happens next.

Day 15: What tingled your tastebuds?
Fish and chips by the ocean, the most amazing Farmhouse Brie, melting Chocolate Lava Pots, home-smoked salmon, venison from Duo, home-made soft bagels, macarons, fresh roasted coffee... I dove head-first into my love of food this year.

Day 16: Who inspired you?
This year I have been inspired by the strength in women. A friend who is unashamedly, unapologetically, determined to be exactly who she is. A friend who had the courage to break her own heart and make a really tough decision because she knew it was right for her. A friend who's kindness and generosity of spirit lifts me up on a daily basis.
 
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#reverb12

I finally found a bit of time to get my #reverb12 thoughts down in some sort of order, so here it goes...

Day 1: How are you starting?
I started December alone, with a massive migraine and a whole lot of work still to do on my end-of-year assignments for school. But I knuckled down and got it done and by the evening I was cheerily hanging baubles on the tree – much more what I had in mind.

Day 2: Your most significant spend?
Easily our most significant financial spend this year (or ever) was buying our first house. We're finally able to stop renting and have spent most of the year spending more to make the house our home. And it's been worth every cent.

Day 3: What do you really wish for?
I struggle when people ask what I want for Christmas because really, I don't want for anything. What I'd really like this holiday season is a little space, some room to breathe and a feeling of peace. I feel like this year has been a bit of a struggle, biting off, or being handed, more than I can chew and now all I want is to rest and restore.

Day 4: How will you celebrate YOU?
This season I am celebrating me with twinkle lights and afternoon naps. With time spent creating and quietly healing. With compromise and simple pleasures, special gifts to give and time spent enjoying the sun (fingers crossed).

Day 5: What was your dream destination?
When I looked back at my old art journals, I realised that I have arrived at a destination I was always yearning for, home. It is such a reoccurring theme, a sense of home, safety and belonging and I feel like I'm finally finding that. Of course, I would never turn down a trip to Paris either!

Day 6: What did you learn?
I learnt that if I have faith and hold on and don't give up, I can get through anything.  I learnt that if I risk being hurt and open myself up, I will find kindness and generosity and understanding.

Day 7: What will you take with you?
Strength. This year I found a strength that I thought I had lost. I am strong, stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, strength I am grateful for ever day and grateful for the people who gave me that strength.

Day 8: Your most important relationship?
I have turned inward this year and my most important relationship has been with myself, helping, loving and being there when it felt like no one else was. I feel like this has been at the expense of other, equally important, relationships.

Day 9: Your favourite book?

Karl Pilkington's An Idiot Abroad. I wish it was something a little more profound but at the end of some terrible hard days, this book had me in stitches and made me feel 100 times better. Laughter is the best medicine they say. That being said, Brave Intuitive Painting and Daring Adventures in Paint had me reaching for the brushes and canvases again and that was much needed therapy in itself.

Are you playing along with #reverb12?